One of those moments.

Elf is on.  Christmas in June.  It is one of our favorites; specifically, one of my daughter's favorites.  I'm watching her more than I'm watching the movie and I cannot get over how I created this; her.  She is...something.  That is for sure.  It's also reminding me, that I do understand why some people, specifically family members, would get angry with me because of publicly being honest with what has been going on in my life lately.  Well, going on in my life, my whole life.  I get it.  I get that they may look at it with a different perspective than I do, or the rest of the world does.  And I honestly apologize for making them feel that way. 

However, I do not apologize for my feelings.  The difference between me and "them" is that.  Instead of saying, or even asking, how I have EVER felt about anthing that has gone on in my life, "they" jump the gun and defend who has been defended their whole life. I have said this before, because it is 100% the truth, my intentions are not to make anyone feel like crap.  Worthless.  Because I know what that does feel like.  I could not imagine making my daughter (or son) feel the way I have, and still do to this very moment.  I know I will do things they wont agree with, I will do things that they get extremely angry about; but this is more than that for me.

I don't even want a pity party.  I want a simple, 'you have every right to feel that way', or 'I am sorry you feel that way'.  Just, ACKNOWLEDGEMENT.  Yes, that is what I want need.  And, by the grace of God, I want change.  A true attempt at change.  I know, though, that probably will not happen.  So don't expect me to just "let go" today; it took time for me to realize why I feel this way.  Why I am the way I am.  So letting go will take time, too.