Easier said than done.

Letting go seems to always be easier said than done.  I hate that.  I hate reading or hearing advice that 'encourages' me to let go.  And I also hate when people read and/or see those posts and automatically think 'drama queen'.  Hey- you don't know me.  You don't know my story, my hurt.  You may *think* you've read it here, but you really DON'T know.  Ok?  So before you decide to read on, if you're gonna resort to any of those thoughts, just stop reading, now.

Big events and holidays seem to be the hardest.  Seeing women my age bond and share events like Mother's Day with their mom do nothing but depress me.  I envy it.  I envy photos shared of family who are, well, supposed to be my family and only pretend to be through text messages or rare appearances.  It makes me sick.  Sometimes I think it would be easier to just let go of this anchor that seems to be drowning me, rather than keeping me afloat.  And when that thought crosses my mind, I accuse myself of being selfish of my own feelings.

What am I supposed to do? I have no damn idea.  Right now though, I am choosing to be selfish of my own feelings, because I am angry and bitter and sad.

But when I walk through the door at 5:40, I will put my feelings aside, and decide to hug my two beautiful kids, because they deserve better.