Happy.

I'm gonna start off by saying - someone, the Big Man upstairs - has been so good to us.  In September, we hit a huge mountain we didn't think we would climb fast enough.  If you know me, I was panicking.  Excessively.  It was so unhealthy, not just for me, but for everyone around me.  My constant thought was how are we gonna make it? But you know what, here we are at the end of October (and I am listening to Michael Buble Christmas Music!), making it.  We are more than ok, and I have the greatest sense of peace about it.  We will always be ok.

We as a socitey get so wrapped up in making it to next month, when we forget how far we've come.  We also forget, there will always be a way for things to work.  I have learned to put my faith and positive attitude first.  And for those of us who have kids, they see that.  They feel every feeling you do, every single day.  We as parents are their example of what type of human being they should be when they are our age.  Do not consume your time with stress about keeping up with the Jones', or the Smith's next door.  How you handle each situation is the definition of who you are, and makes a more lasting impression on those around you than the color of your shoes or the brand of TV you have; thrive on the little moments, for one day, they will be the big moments you remember.  You will make it.

I also need to thank my husband for sticking by my crazy a$$, because Lord knows, he could have walked away more times than not.  He always makes sure we have more than enough.  If you can't tell, I'm feeling super blessed today.  You should too.

Moving on.

I hope.

Recently, I felt like Devon and I hit rock bottom with some issues.  Just communication, rarely seeing each other because of his awful work schedule, my emotional rollercoaster, etc.  We really thought buying the house would make things 'better' for us (well, I did), because lets be honest, living with your in-laws while married with two kids is.. hard.  I kind of went into panic when they didn't.  Financial strains took place, which caused more head-butting.  I felt as if we weren't going to learn how to move passed it.  About 2 weeks ago, we had a long talk while in bed.  It was much needed, and opened my eyes to a lot.  While I was so concerned/worried about why I was hurting, and why I couldn't move on, I failed to recognize I wasn't the only one who hurt. I wasn't the only one struggling.  It made me feel like a terrible person.

But - I took it and vowed to start focusing on moving forward together.  That didn't mean forgetting or not talking about what I was going through, but remembering that he was in this relationship too, and he needed reassurance from me, just as much as I needed it from him.

I can't grasp the fact of why someone who is supposed to be there for you your entire life can just shut you out.  Especially when you are the child.  This thought was triggered from a recent confrontation because my heart was broken, again, by someone I want to just be there for me, more than anything.  I texted Devon before I confronted her, telling him I needed to do this for my sake, but after, I was moving forward.  I cannot continue to drag people down with me because of something they have no control over.  What I can do is say my peace, and move forward for not only my family's sake, but for mine.  Nothing will ever replace that love I wish I had from her, but I can make sure I don't make the same mistakes with my kids, and my husband.  I also need to remember that bad days will still creep up on me, but I cannot let it control me anymore.  That conversation saved my life.

Be happy.  Always remember, you aren't the only one hurting.  Also remember, someone is there for you.  Embrace those who love you and be better than what has broken your heart so many times.  It can always be worse.

My babies aren't babies.

This picture was of course, taken by my SIL.  We all went to a fundraiser for Children's Hospital at Lynd's Fruit Farm this past Saturday.  LOOK. AT. HOW. BIG. THEY. ARE!  It blows my mind.  Alyvia started preschool at a local church.  It is one day a week, and so good for her.  I've noticed a change in her behavior since she's started.  More patient (at times), polite, and SO GOOD at using her words instead of thaaaat whiiiiiiiiinYYY voice that us mothers all know and love. ;)  She will be F O U R in F O U R months.  I catch myself staring at her sometimes, wondering how I did so well- how did I get so, SO blessed with such a sweet, fun girl.

Mase Man.  My monkey.  He is crazy.  Walking.  Yes, I said walking.  At 14 months he finally took off.  This little man has my heart.  He is so happy and all over the place, it warms my heart.  He is signing AND saying 'all done', hello, hi, Momma and Dadda.  Sometimes, I catch him saying 'Ayaya' - Alyvia. :)  Oh, and he weighs more than her too.  He is a solid, handsome man and such a Daddy's boy.  I love it.

Watching them grow, learn and laugh- that is what I live for.  My heart is so warm knowing that I am a Mommy to these two munchkins.  Oh, I am so in love with them.