Dreaming

I remember being ten years old, always dreaming up what I wanted to be 'when I grow up'.  From a choreographer to teacher, I never really had my heart set on anything specific.  In high school, I was the newpaper editor, and front page author so I thought journalism would be a good pick.  I hated my first year of college and quickly lost interest.  One dream I always had was being a mom and having a family.  And here I am, here I have those.

I dream more now than I did ten years ago.  A short year ago, our homeownership dream became a reality, and now I am constantly dreaming more dreams.  I am always looking five years ahead, discussing with D where we'd like to be, live, have, see.  Just yesterday we were talking in the car about home updates (wood. and. tile. floors. must. happen. soon.), when I stopped myself and said 'I am so used to moving, leaving, and starting over after being somewhere a year.  Maybe that is why I get so antsy to change things around me -- like the look of our kitchen, the destination of the house we want to build in 4-5 years --  I am so used to change'.  And it is true.  I have realized that it is ok so settle down, and leave things alone for awhile.  To not HAVE to get up and go.  To just let life be.

That doesn't mean I am going to stop dreaming, planning, and doing.  Our five year plan, we want a log cabin.  Exposed walls, a woodburner, brick backsplash and a loft.  My husband will have his own shooting range in our yard, and a woodshop to curb his knack for building and making things (just like his dad).  We will have a wrap around porch, a tree house, and a sand volleyball court.  Maybe an animal or two for this kids to show in 4H.  Maybe one more baby.  Maybe a few fourwheelers.

Those dreams, to me, fill my soul with so much more energy and happiness than the dreams I had many years ago.  And this is how I know, I am going in the direction I am supposed to be.  I am where I need to be, with the people I am supposed to have.  You are never too old to dream, and it feels so good to be within reach.