to my last, not yet walking baby.

You are just about a year and a half. And I cannot even begin to explain to you how fast it has gone. It makes me so incredibly sad that I can't get those newborn days back. I get angry with myself when I think I should have savored them a little bit more. Afterall, you are our last babe. Spitfire is an understatement. Your personality is the absolute best. You love to laugh and to make people laugh. You fit right into the wrestling matches your dad holds with your older sister and brother, and sometimes, you even initiate them. The sweet smacking of your lips when you want to give a kiss, and your concerned heart when someone is upset... it makes me melt. Every day you say a little more. BYE! like a toddler hillbilly; HI! in the most high pitched voice in the world. All food is your favorite and if I let you eat all day, you would. Walking has not yet come around. You stand, you walk in between things, you push any and all things around the house like it's your business. And just holding onto one little finger of mine is all you need. But, letting go and taking off on your own has not happened yet. (Neither has sleeping through the night you booger.) The worry wart inside me sets off when I really sit and think about it. Your siblings were late walkers too... they did not take off til about 16 months. But here we are, coming up on a year and a half in this world, and it has yet to happen for you. You keep me on my toes. You bring so much joy into my life. The days are so short since you have come into our lives. And then it hits me... please don't take off just yet. I will miss hearing the thumping of your speed crawling on our floors. The giggling from your sweet little mouth when I let go of your hand, while you just stare at me like, mom... I'm totally not walking today. You pulling up on the door when you hear the garage door open when Daddy gets home. Sneaking off to the stairs and climbing up them, when you know you aren't supposed to go up without me. I will miss it all so much. I will savor these days because soon, you will be speeding for first base at your high school softball game, or running to the vault at gymnastics, or playing tag with your sister and brother. So please, don't take off just yet, my sweet babe.

A Letter to My New Mom Self

Welcome to a whole new life. You have no idea what you are doing and you never will. You will have more hard days than easy. But I am here to give you some little slices of advice: Make time for yourself. Or you will go insane. Trust me, for the longest time I didn’t. I am learning to now and although it helps, it would have been much more helpful if I started a long time ago. Do it and don’t feel guilty about it. Cut yourself some slack. I am still working on this one. I beat myself up daily. But at the end of the day, what matters is the love you share. They love you. You love them. Do better next time. It’s ok to use the TV as a babysitter twice a week. Read at least one parenting advice book. I started one then stopped. I need to start it again. It helps to see things from a different perspective. See that toy? That cute shirt/dress/whatever it may be? Yeah, you do not need to buy them something every time you go to the store. More than likely, there aren’t enough days in the month for them to wear everything you bought them. Fight the urge. Speaking of that, H&M and Walmart have the best cute, simple tees. Get them. They can be dressed up and dressed down. Baby wipes. Keep them forever. They are super versatile. Make them eat their food. Yes I said that. Do not cave to that snack. They tell you they don’t like asparagus or pepperoni or salmon, but if you offer it to them enough, they will learn to like it and you don’t waste even more food. If they don’t eat it, then they don’t get those fruit snacks. Sorry kids. Show empathy. Like I said, you will have more hard days than easy. A hug, a kiss, a snuggle after you discipline or yell heals their heart. A little bit goes a long way. Apologize when you are wrong. Lead by example as often as you can. I fail here daily. Again, what matters is that you try. Nope, you don’t need to get them what everyone else has. Practice gratitude. Swing with them. Take walks. Let them stay in their pjs if they want. Never give up on yourself.

Here's to loving AND liking each other.

Let’s not even lie. There are many days when we don’t like our spouse any more than we like the dishes piled in the sink, or any more than the sixth poopy diaper you’ve changed in one day. The minute they walk in the door, you’re like, no. It’s not a good day, everything is your fault, don’t touch me. Every other word that they say is wrong, they folded the laundry totally incorrectly, they didn’t put the right pair of pants on the baby, and they didn’t give the kids a bath with the right soap. Nope, I don’t like you today, and probably won’t tomorrow. So just leave me alone. How do we get here? Better yet, how do we get out of here? Out of this place where you know you love this person, but liking them most days becomes very hard. My answer? Back to basics. Over exaggerate. Let go. Laugh. Hold hands ALL THE TIME. On the couch, in the kitchen, in church. In the car, at your in-law’s house. At the grocery. Grab that sucker, pretend you like them that day and then you’ll realize you really do. Both need a shower? Take one together. YES, I said that. Just do it for God’s sake. Put the kids to bed at 7:30 instead of 8 and binge on junk food while watching Friday Night Lights (my choice, not his. Sorry, babe). Over exaggerate the good stuff (not the unfolded laundry or unbathed kids). Say I love you all the time, appreciate little things all the time. Hug ten seconds longer than usual. Squeeze that booty tight (even if it’s annoying sometimes). Let go of that mistake he made yesterday, three months ago, eight years ago. Let go of that damn thing and free yourself of that bitterness. Let go of the messy house and unpainted walls. If you’ve ever needed to throw those angry feelings away, do it now. If you’ve ever wanted to be happy, make it a priority. Laugh at everything that is even the least bit funny. Find your faith together; learn to do things the right way, meaning the right way for YOU. Don’t you even fret about what other people think. Your happiness will be contagious. Find people who fuel your love and everything you stand for. Love and love hard. Because in the end, that’s all you’ve got. Share it with someone that’s worth the fight.