Moving on.

I hope.

Recently, I felt like Devon and I hit rock bottom with some issues.  Just communication, rarely seeing each other because of his awful work schedule, my emotional rollercoaster, etc.  We really thought buying the house would make things 'better' for us (well, I did), because lets be honest, living with your in-laws while married with two kids is.. hard.  I kind of went into panic when they didn't.  Financial strains took place, which caused more head-butting.  I felt as if we weren't going to learn how to move passed it.  About 2 weeks ago, we had a long talk while in bed.  It was much needed, and opened my eyes to a lot.  While I was so concerned/worried about why I was hurting, and why I couldn't move on, I failed to recognize I wasn't the only one who hurt. I wasn't the only one struggling.  It made me feel like a terrible person.

But - I took it and vowed to start focusing on moving forward together.  That didn't mean forgetting or not talking about what I was going through, but remembering that he was in this relationship too, and he needed reassurance from me, just as much as I needed it from him.

I can't grasp the fact of why someone who is supposed to be there for you your entire life can just shut you out.  Especially when you are the child.  This thought was triggered from a recent confrontation because my heart was broken, again, by someone I want to just be there for me, more than anything.  I texted Devon before I confronted her, telling him I needed to do this for my sake, but after, I was moving forward.  I cannot continue to drag people down with me because of something they have no control over.  What I can do is say my peace, and move forward for not only my family's sake, but for mine.  Nothing will ever replace that love I wish I had from her, but I can make sure I don't make the same mistakes with my kids, and my husband.  I also need to remember that bad days will still creep up on me, but I cannot let it control me anymore.  That conversation saved my life.

Be happy.  Always remember, you aren't the only one hurting.  Also remember, someone is there for you.  Embrace those who love you and be better than what has broken your heart so many times.  It can always be worse.