The Last Few Weeks.

36 weeks pregnant today.

I have been psyching myself out… one day I convince myself she will be here sooner than expected, the next I hate the world and loathe the fact that it still could be 28 days.

And then I think just how quickly all of this, all of life, happens.

This July, D and I have been together seven years. SEVEN. Our fourth wedding anniversary is next Thursday and even THAT to me is a huge deal. Don’t you remember being in high school, dating a dude you were ‘destined’ to be with and thinking to yourself and telling your friends that seven months of dating was such a long time? Yep, that was me. We have lived life a little backwards. But normal is boring. On our first dating anniversary, we found out we were pregnant with A. I remember ‘knowing’, but talked myself out of believing it. I finally took a test, and yes, threw it at him. We survived.

Shortly after we married, we got pregnant again. I, again, convinced myself that we were ready for another. And to be honest, I don’t think you can ever be totally ready. I mean, what in the world could possibly prepare you for sleepless nights, sick babies, financial struggles, snot covered faces, running low on diapers; first steps, first words, first I love yous. Let me tell you- NOTHING. Nothing can prepare you for any of that. No one could ever possibly explain to me the reward, the struggle, the ANYTHING to get me prepared for being a parent.

And now we’re here. The last few weeks and days of our very last babe. As miserable as I am, as much as I want it to fly by, I remember that it all really does fly by. I kick myself for not being able to recollect every single thing leading up to now.  But that’s life. That alone should teach us to savor, linger and enjoy more than we fret, worry and stress.

Let me tell you, I am trying. I struggle every day, but I know it’s normal and I know it’ll get easier the more a practice it.

Here’s to 28 more days until our lives change for the third and final time by welcoming our last baby. This, like everything else, will become nothing more than a memory.