Update on my current battle-

I was originally going to post recipes and a grocey list of last weeks successful mean plannning, but another topic has been at the tip of my tongue - I had to get it off my chest.

SO.
My last post shared my battle with whether or not we want to give the SAHM lifestyle a shot later this year.  Result? I still don't know.  But this is what I have learned.

Money does not grow on trees.
Actually, I have always known this.  But I have really been thinking about the long term effects.  Like, Disney next year.  School supplies.  Sports, whether it be travel or school.  FEES FEES FEES.  Saving for college.  Helping them purchase their first car.  A fun night at the movies with friends in five years.  And the cost is only going to go up.  I am not saying they need a Mercedes.  Hell, I drive a Honda.  Actually, my first car was a 94 Civic, five speed.  That is probably almost identical to what Alyvia will drive.  We cannot expect her or Mason to fund themselves through high school, and most definitely any earlier than that.  My job is important in that aspect.

They love me, regardless.
A sweet friend reminded me that even though you miss them throughout the day, and think they are so devestated that you aren't with them every second every day, they don't always express it.  They enjoy socializing with other kids and people.  And depending on the day, they may love when you pick them up, or pout (which is what Mason does most of the time).  Every now and then, Alyvia will get emotional and express she misses me.  Every now and then, Mason will not want me to leave him at the sitter.  But 99.9% of the time, they kiss me goodbye with smiles on their faces and go on with their day.

They are taken care of.
Whether it be our sitter, or my in-law's, or my side of the family - when I am gone, they are loved almost just as much by them as they are by me.

I know they will grow up to be proud of me.
Regardless of what I do.  Stay home.  Work.  Become a chief, or just a supervior.  A Stripper.  (KIDIDNG!)  I do it for them.  They will grow up to know that.

Retirement.
It's become almost nonexistant in some cases.  When I get to retire at the young age of 50, it will be more convenient than not to have my retirement and Devon's.  We will travel, the kids will be old enough and out of the house.  We won't have to necessarily stress about it.

I will miss things, but not everything.
I am lucky enough to accumulate paid time off, which will increase the longer I stay at my current job.  I will bust my buns to make sure I am present at all their important concerts, games, play dates, etc.

...And yet, there is still a huge part of me that wants so much to wake up every day, stay in my PJs if I wanted to, craft, make messs, kiss, snuggle, play.  There will also be days full of more discipline, tears, and screams.  I just want to know that I am doing the right thing.

Down the road, when Alyvia gets married the perfect man, graduates from college, or just brings home a good report card.  When Mason wins a race (he loves four wheelers), stands up for his sister, holds the door for his date.  When our bun learns to hug and give kisses, say first words, apologizes when needed. When I look back and remember all of those things, those little things, they will serve as my reminder that no matter what road we took, we took a good one.