Reassurance.

Don't we all need it?  Sometimes, at least?  I need to know what I am doing is the right thing to do; I need to know the changes I've made for myself and my family were right.  I have days where things just seem like they aren't getting better.  I was a young, young mom.  19.  Sometimes, I just need to know that I'm making the life that is needed for my kids.

A lot of the reassurance isn't immediate.  That's my problem.  I need instant gratification, which I know is a ridiculous expectation.  However, I still want it.  Is that bad?  Is it just me, who feels like patience is our enemy?  The only way you gain it is by God testing it, and I hate that.  That sounds so selfish, but it's true.

Today, I got a little reassurance.  From co-workers.  Devon drove up to the my office, which is by the airport, after a 24 hour shift at the firehouse.  Yep, no sleep, again.  But he did it.  He bought flowers and a card, and delivered them himself on our anniversary.  And still they sit on my desk, frankly because I want to show them off.  The card reads, 'I Am Proud of Us'.  Reassrance, number one.  About a half hour ago, two co-workers were at my desk talking "work talk", and the girl asked about the flowers; I gave her the story ^above, and she looks at me and says, "You got it together.  You are so organized, hard working and a good mom.  Hell, I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow.  I still don't know."  The guy followed suit and said, "That's true.  She's a good example."  THAT.  That right there gave me more reassurance.  Alyvia was being such a booger at the dinner table last night, and after LITERALLY 100 times of asking her to eat, I lost my cool.  I yelled; I told her I'd smack her butt if she didn't start to listen.  And I probably said THAT 100 times too.  And this morning, I felt bad.  You were not being so hot as a Mom last night, Meg. UGH.

Then you  know what?  That little girl woke up this morning with her Daddy, all smiles, gave me a kiss and I left for work.  She knows I love her.  And when those two co-workers said those words to me, reassuring me without knowing it themselves that they were doing so, I smiled.